This is a space where I reserve myself the right to be completely honest, even if the content I'm producing might be a little depressing. Usually I tend to shield you from this side of me as much as I can, this is not going to happen here, so please read it only if you're in a good mood and ready!
Today I went swimming like I do every Wednesdays (at least when I feel alright enough). All was going well but I already knew something was wrong with me from when I woke up. The moment I took in some water and felt the air missing in my lungs, the attack started: an intense, pulsating, confusing pain in the front of my head, and a strong sense of nausea. I had to stop the swimming lesson early.
Now I am home, writing this post after taking my special medicine (I'm going to talk about it down below). The pain is making me question if I really want to keep existing. The nausea is answering for me. And this keeps happening every time I feel a little bit of relief. I'm writing this with extreme difficulty. And I am doing it because I feel guilty for not doing anything at all, and this is what I am capable of doing right now.
The good thing is it's not so bad every day, it's always there in some form, but my special medicine greatly improved my every day condition, and it helps with these attacks as well, without it I wouldn't be able to write this.
My medicine is cannabis, and it's legally prescribed. Since I'm taking it, my life has changed for the better. I don't mean to glorify it or convince you to try it if you feel pain for some reason. But I feel the need to talk about it and how much it impacted my life, so here we are. I'm probably going to make a video about this as well at some point.
So, let's start with the basics. Yeah, I'm stoned right now. It can stun you, but once you get used to it it's not a bad sensation, sometimes I have difficulty in speaking and expressing my thoutghs but at the same time I experience a certain degree of mental freedom that I feel like I miss when I'm "sober". But the best thing is, the pain gets slowly less and less of a problem, at the time I'm writing this I can barely feel it, finally. Bare in mind this is my personal opinion of the effects it has on me, you might get a completely different experience.
I still feel like a disabled person, because that's what I am, and cannabis cannot change this. My pain is not going to come back for some time, but my perception and my capabilities are altered. I cannot drive. I cannot go live and do the things I want to do every day. But at least I can write posts like this, work on videos and edit. So I guess I feel a little bit less of a disabled person since right now without cannabis I would not be able to do all these things.
My family knows of my treatment and while they are not entusiast they understand and see every day how it has impacted my life. All in all, I'm better and I would even say happier. To be honest I don't think I would be able to be as active as I am right now, without my less active moments when I assume cannabis.
Again, this is only my personal experience. I know many people have problems with paranoia when assuming cannabis, so be careful and if you are really convinced of trying this kind of treatment start small and discover little by little what you're tolerance is, what the effects are on you and always listen to the professionals.
I would like to leave you, with a small message. Chronic Pain is a terrible condition, that can take many many forms. If you are experiencing one of these forms like me, seek help if you don't have any. Seek the help of your loved ones or professionals. Don't give up to the pain or to the relief that sometimes loliness can give. Seek help outside of you and your condition might get a little bit better.
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